you may’ve guessed by now…

…that youtube is a major thing in my music life. It is. Has been for over ten years actually – a lot of those whom I listen to now I discovered on youtube. 2006 gave me Chastain and Lizzy Borden, and that was only the beginning.

When they introduced the “recommended” thing, I basically gave up on trying to follow metal newsfeeds like Blabbermouth – since those shower you with everyone and their uncle’s dog, when youtube’s spy algos usually work quite damn well. There was a time when facebook could work as a personalised feed, but it has changed for the worse since. Kinda like once myspace was useful, over ten years ago, but not anymore; it’s the same with fb. So basically, it’s youtube all the way today for me.

this is me

Silver Fox ’85, the official toon version. The fur and hair textures aren’t exactly designed for closeups, but I’m including one just for the sake of vanity.

I’m obviously keeping the character to myself, but I will tell you what went into the making of it =) The base figure is Krystal, and everything else apart from the hair, the skirt and the belt is a freebie, like Krystal herself. Well, the lace on the shirt comes from Transmap-O-Matic which I got from Michele’s old storefront at Rendo, and I cannot recall if Michele did ever put it up for free or not… Either way, most of the textures can be found here at Michele’s blog.

And here is Krystal and a load of her clothing, while this ShareCG page hosts the texture resources I used for the base to make the fur (Blacksmith3D is very handy for fixing the seams, but the rest of overlays I painted in the good ole trusty Paint.NET). The tail is the Bushy Tail also found on the LittleDragon pages. The bracelets were also part of a freebie pack, but I cannot recall what it was called ATM.

The paid-for clothing items are fairly old, so I don’t know if they’re available anymore. Regardless… The skirt is from here with a texture from this pack, and here’s where the belt is from. Then… The hair is this one. It’s still available, and inexpensive.

Eyelashes are made in LAMH, and claws are simple deformed spheres parented to the fingers.

Now, whenever I have more free time, I should dig out my classic “patriotic scene” with the carnations in the colours of the Russian flag, and have the virtual me pose with them for a new forum/Rendo/dA userpic.





I always want to “fit in”. Like everyone. We’re all social animals, “humans” or “elves” or even “wolves” (and foxes). The cats maybe aren’t. I can’t tell. I’m not a cat. I just love them.

But I never do. I’m always clashing with this or that group. Never on purpose; never to be “special”; it just happens.

Say, I am a lot of a feminist. But apparently not a “real” one because – again – I am not “fat-positive”. I am pro-fitness. Neither do I believe in the crappy adage of “all people are beautiful” – nope. For one – here’s an exception: I’m definitely not beautiful on the inside because I am thinking all these things and even saying all these things out loud; and while I am not exactly ugly physically, I am not a “beauty” either. I do my best to look good because I think it’s part of respect towards others. That’s that. I will always use concealer to cover up my stupid couperose (diffuse redness and spider veins) and acne (yes I am thirty, but adult acne is a thing; and don’t think I haven’t invested into treatment… I am forever on meds, but some cases are just bad), same as I will use deodorant. Which I wish more Russians would do, BTW. Deodorant is apparently considered a luxury item here.

There are a lot of ugly people in the world. And that’s okay. Deal with it. Live with it. Where’s the ugly pride movement?!

Okay *cynicism alert*, maybe fat-positive feminists _are_ the ugly pride movement. Sorry. I’m bad like that.

I have fat friends. I am okay with them looking the way they want. I know it’s not easy to lose weight for a lot of people (I struggled myself). But I don’t want anyone to discourage promotion of fitness and sports simply because it offends the fat-positives. It’s just wrong to send the “hey, you’re overweight and that´s okay, don´t do anything” message. Being fit carries way fewer health risks than being obese.

Why the rant:

Apparently someone protested over this ad campaign because it promotes “negative body image” or something. Hell. This model may not be as ripped as I’d like all models to be, and her hips are too femininely wide to comply with my personal idea of “beauty”, but she IS physically fit.

You want “negative body image” – come to Russia where most females just starve but never exercise, since the slightest muscle definition is viewed as “masculine” here, and it’s the worst slur a Russian female can hear, “You look like a man”. And I have witnessed horrible cases of female fitness models and athletes who post their photos online being subjected to damn witch hunts here. Especially if they have short hair. Unfeminine! Burn the witch! This is, like, I can’t find the words to describe how wrong that is.

My own hair’s on the longer side, but that’s not for reasons of “looking feminine”. It’s just because it’s way more manageable that way. Yes. I told you, I’m that “different” it hurts.
Hurts to laugh. Cuz I’m laughing.
If somewhat bitterly.

the health hazards of being cynical

I’m a cynic when it comes to 3D content (not only that, of course, but other aspects of my cynicism aren’t relevant for this post).
I will buy stuff I need from a vendor whose other products are clearly aimed at pinup artists, to put it mildly (two words: Perfect V4). I will download freebies of the sort I’ll never pay money for (I don’t buy pose presets, but I do have quite a few free packs installed, and I don’t mind bundled pose packs either; I will even use them for tests/studies, although I always tweak).

But there is one particular freebie outlet that makes my blood boil, and that’s the ‘DS Creative’ fanzine.

If anything, I should vow to dl their freebies and then delete the PDFs immediately, sans flipping through the pages, like, EVAH. Or better yet, abstain from partaking of said darned freebies. ‘Tis not like my runtime is lacking in something, y’know.

There is a thousand little reasons for my disliking that mag (one being their inability to filter out the instances where newcomers call DS ‘DAZ’ for short… DAZ is the company, y’know), but some things totally tick me off, and that’s… Correct. Ignorance.

Amazing self-aggrandizing ignorance.

Whenever someone starts talking ‘serious render stuff’ on those pages, I’m left with two options: facepalm and headdesk.

Continue reading the health hazards of being cynical

I have a problem with ignorance

It’s probably my biggest problem and no-one else’s. But I’m irked beyond belief every time when I see people being only 5% invested in things they allegedly care for.

Online communities and members thereof. Some of them repeatedly misspelling screennames of others. Not knowing publicly available information about important members of said communities (think gender – most people take their gender rather personally…), all the while calling themselves ‘fans’ of said important members.

The next thing happens on- and offline. Someone is an expert in a certain area. A pro. Gets good money for said expertise. Somehow becomes deluded into thinking it means expertise in all related areas. Spreads horrendous  misinformation, as a result.

Someone says they have a hobby. Artwork. 3D stuff, for instance. Uses a particular program exclusively. For years. Neglects half the features that would’ve made his/her/whatever’s life much easier. Says the features are too complex to master, or something.

Writers who inadvertently turn their shows and books into fully fledged Théâtre de l’Absurde by deciding they need to get something or someone Russian on the page or screen.

Et cetera.

Tell y’all what. It’s okay to be clueless about stuff that is new to you.

But if said stuff pops up repeatedly in your life; if you find it burrows its way into your job or beloved pastime; if you can’t just shrug it off; then by all means roll up your sleeves and get to work on making yourself a better educated specimen of all the humanoid races currently found on the planet Earth.

Because if you don’t, your ignorance screams that you plain don’t care. That you are disrespectful towards said stuff, since you would not condescend to invest your precious time into a single google search even.

I never saw this attitude in the subscribers of this particular blog. But elsewhere, unfortunately, a lot.

PS “Learning difficulties” are a lame excuse. I’ve seen brilliant writers who are diagnosed with dyslexia. Disabled people doing professional sports. Damn, I have learned to do things I never thought I’d be able to, simply because I realised I had to, either for my job or simply to respect myself. And if I can do something, anyone can.

Just make that damned effort.

PPS Although my screenname is likely to hold a record when it comes to being misspelt by others, and even though folks assume the Silver Fox to be male, it wasn’t me I was referring to as suffering from that sort of attitude. I am not an ‘important member’ of any community. Neither do I care what gender others think I am. I have none actually; I even tend to forget my physiological sex sometimes.

Kindle Unlimited – how useful for someone like me?

Okay, I haven’t yet found out if I’m eligible for this service, being Russian, but maybe I don’t even have to waste time looking for the answer?

As I get it, there is only a certain selection of books available to read. Given that I am very, very picky about what I read… and about wasting time as well…

I have read there are 600 000 titles available, and it’s not that easy to search them.

I would want to re-read those SF/F classics that I only read in a Russian translation as a kid (when I was reading stuff from all the local libraries I could enrol in LOL). Authors like Roger Zelazny, Philip K Dick, Arthur C Clarke, Samuel R Delany, and of course Michael “no idea if there have ever been an initial” Moorcock. Keith Laumer, Alfred Bester, you get the drift. I would also like to check out any new SF/F authors, but preferably not “young adult” nor “romance”-oriented.

Could anyone say for sure if it should be possible with Kindle Unlimited, or not? Thank you folks.

There are a lot of things I do not understand about human society…

…and it’s mutual.

I don’t get it why local (i.e. Russian) LGBT activists would apparently want to march under the banners of the US and Ukraine. Sure these countries are not that LGBT-friendly, I know it because I have queer friends there.

But then again, in turn, the whole LGBT community does not understand the likes of me, to put it mildly. Asexuals face ridicule and even hatred from a lot of LGBT folks – we are told we are in need of treatment, our social problems are not real problems, yadda yadda yadda.

You’d think those who face this sort of humiliation from the society at large would be supportive of someone ‘different’ – because they know what it’s like firsthand, right? Alas. The LGBT folks tend to see asexuals as a threat, as if we ‘subhuman creatures’ are here to take away their hard-earned rights (I’ve read this sort of thing stated in plain text way too often). No different to how the straight majority hysterically ‘protects’ their ‘exclusive’ rights for ‘sacred’ marriage.

I’m not even talking about how rigid the LGBT community often tends to be socially – like, there are more genders than just ‘male’ and ‘female’, but you’re still expected to choose one and to conform to it, otherwise you aren’t taken seriously. I’m not even talking about their internal rifts (like bisexuals still being treated badly one too often).

And then people ask me why I dislike the human race.

Just how pale is pale?

I was searching the DAZ forums in the hopes that some people might have asked before for recommendations on paler characters. And I came across a thread with these links:


Do these look pale to you? Sure they don’t have the “surfer” sort of tan that most Poser/DS characters tend to have – but these are still fairly high on pigment (I’m not even talking about how “fresh” and “blooming” their cheeks are).

There are numerous people on the same DAZ forums complaining about there being “too many pale Valkyries” released. It irks me to no end. First, I have already ranted about how wimpy all those “female warrior” characters look. No way there is an overabundance of Valkyries. And… pale?

I guess those complaining are after more “ethnic” characters, so to speak. African/Asian/whatever. Or Southern varieties of the Caucasian race, maybe. These are surely not represented enough…

…but neither are the really pale skin tones. Something like I see in the mirror every day.

People with “exotic lineage” tell stories about how difficult it is to “validate one’s beauty” or something, in a society that is so “white”. Like, those of Asian descent having a hard time finding suitable makeup tones.

Tell you what. It is possible to be TOO white. It’s not that easy to get foundation or concealer that works with truly pale skin (here in Russia, it’s either a Finnish brand Lumene or professional brands like Nouba that carry anything in this range; most mass-market makeup brands feature their “ivories” which are two or three shades darker than my skin, with those nasty pinkish or orange undertones).

And don’t get me started on how mean it actually is, to be downright shaming people into “getting out in the sun” so as to “look healthy”. I am on the receiving end of this every given Spring; and no, I won’t “look healthy” however much time I waste sitting on the beach frying myself in the UV rays. I prefer being healthy to looking that way, ya know?

Good thing I like the “Goth” aesthetic – because it’s pretty much the only reliable way to get pale character textures in the Poserverse.

Fantasy Girls – Lynara – they also tend to come with more creative makeups and tattoo styles than your “everyday” ones. Kaleya has a few similarly interesting characters over there. …and of course, these textures work for more than just female characters.

There is also Syltermermaid – looks like she retired those characters of hers that I have, but there is still quite a few downright “Goth” characters in her store, and then, many of those who are less tanned than the average market: Syltermermaid’s store @ CP

for someone who rises and goes to bed…

…to the tune of war reports streaming from the Ukrainian Southeast – and whichever side you choose in that conflict (supposing you are brainwashed enough to ever choose sides in any war!), the truth is: innocents are dying, for no worthy reason – for someone like that, i.e. me, lately some songs have taken on a new, personal meaning.

So this new song by the amazing Haloo Helsinki says what I want to say. Better than I ever could.
The song is in Finnish, but for those who don’t understand it, if you click here and then check out “traductions: anglais” (which is “translations: English”, in French), you will get the gist of the lyrics (I suggest reading both versions).

Rauhaa nyt.